Helsinki - "The City That Sleeps Only At Nights"

I met Terry Wogan today. I thank you.

Myself and my nephew Jack made these over the weekend, they turned out scarier than planned, his is parrot-themed while mine is more Tales Of The Unexpected (sorta):

Today is Sunday, unlike the kiddies' band member I am alive and so are the squirrels, Finland is still on the map and my ears are working well, as are my eyes, nostrils and lungs. I have chocolate. Be well friends.

Welsh word for microwave is "popty ping".

Rhod Gilbert, who I am having an extramarital affair with whilst Russell is in Hollywood:

Wrist band on, torrential rain, slippery hills, broken wellies, panic, new wellies, Jacko's dead? - must be a spoof, sweltering sun, stupendous Jarvis Cocker, stubborn tent zips, Oh my God he really IS dead, freezing cold, condensation, veggie sausages, crazy people, pumping music, fantastic Tom Jones, factor 60, spinach crepes, blistery rash, Rolf Harris, Piriton, mud-splattered jeans, bombastic brother-in-law, unholy toilets, magnificent Madness, dead legs, anti-bacterial gel, The Maccabees, cowboy hat, cold beer, happy people, Ray Davies "He did all the Kinks classics wow!", wet grass, intolerably pompous brother-in-law, fag ends, warm beer, arguments, lightning-lit canvas, ice-cream, rubbish, stifling crowds, queues, more rubbish, Lily Allen's tit tape, water, a bewildered Pete Doherty, squelching feet, why did she marry that c*nt?, chronic tiredness, musty clothes, clean clothes, fireworks, heavy bags and BLUR.

Famous people spotted in the crowd; Harry Enfield, Vince Clarke (Erasure), Ed Byrne and Marcus Brigstocke.

Never been so happy to see a shower or my bed in all my life. I recommend block fish food, it kept "Russell Pierre Morrissey Brand II" fed and happy while I was away.


Am I glad I went? - yes.
Would I go again? - no.

Okay it's been a while hasn't it?. I'm mainly preparing for Glastonbury today and tomorrow, getting the last few essentials such as Piriton and anti-bacterial malarkies plus some emergency Calamine & Aqueous should the sun somehow manage to penetrate my armour of sunscreen, hat and sunnies. I have an allergic reaction to sunburn and usually end up at the Doctor's all swollen, hyper and silly-looking. Weather is predicted to be very nice so my quest for "fat girl" wellies need not have been so thorough, I'll still wear them though as they're groovy!.

I've had a significant change of image from black to very much not black, I decided while I was still young enough to actually BE young, I may as well get out of the rut - and I have. Not only do I not wear black all the time, I actually wear ridiculously bright clothes now and I couldn't give a rat's aris what anybody thinks of it. I head to Dorset on Thursday where my sister and I will be getting drunk and ceremonially burning my beige suede granny shoes (what was I thinking?). Some people lose themselves for a while, I lost myself for about 10yrs.
When I get back I'll be preparing for my Scandinavian adventure!.

Here's a beautiful picture of my fiancé, I hope you enjoy looking at it as much as I did this morning, sorry to take up space on your friend pages but I rarely post so tough titties :P

Irish soda bread and tea now methinks.

Ride a cock horse to Banbury Cross

Turns out my waterproof Max Factor mascara is not waterproof and my make-up remover that removes waterproof mascara won't remove it, can I sue them both?.

Still rat-arsed, something of a record.

cowboy boots.

Get your Comic Relief picture done here for a quid, go on, don't be a boring bastard, it's all for charidy (well 87p is);

http://www.digitalrednose.com/

On Friday night I saw Russell Brand, after a few minutes intro he walked around the audience, I stood up and called him over (as you do), he came over, jokes and hugs were exchanged (and filmed). Then after the show he appeared in the foyer, further molestation ensued before he was whisked away. Russ looks and smells amazing in the flesh, sadly he remained clothed throughout.

As I have surely tamed him, happy nuptials are imminent and you're all invited. Dress code is 'Victorian splendour acquired through opportunist theft', reception entry depends upon the successful answering of a number of Smiths-related music questions. Absolutely no science and please wash neck.

Here is a fact unrelated to popular culture so your time here has not been wasted:

The African pygmy hedgehog was first bred in America over 10yrs ago and has been known to change hands for up to £190.

Give me tiiime toooo realise my criiiime.

Moo-oonpig.

I just took two pain killers and my Nabaztag immediately lit up and said "that is something you really shouldn't do". I'm now thinking he has a camera in his belly button as well as a listening device :O